That saying is oh so true in so many different ways and applications. In this reference I'm talking about my health. My health over the past three to four weeks has been shoddy at best. One minute I'm whistling Dixie, and the next, I'm head first into a world of pain. Seriously, within 30 minutes I can go from having a great day with a little twinge to being in seriously crippling pain. The weird thing is, is that it's not an identifiable pain. It's not something that you can say, ouch my arm hurts because I lifted weights for several hours the night before, no, it's the weird phantom pain that you feel but you know you can't really feel.
It's been hard on me and on my job because when it starts to come on and when it's actually there it totally blows out my concentration. I can't think clearly and I can't focus on tasks as readily as I should be able to. All I can think about is how I want it to go away and debate on whether or not it's going to get worse and at which point do I take the pain killer the doctor prescribed. Understand that I don't like taking any medication or pills, whether prescribed or not. It's just my thing to not want to take anything like that. I mean sure, I take a multivitamin daily but that's the extent of what I want to take. I prefer things to run their natural course and don't like to take things that aren't.
I dunno...it's just been rough trying to continue doing normal things, hanging out with friends, taking pictures on the weekends. It's like having someone nagging you constantly. Sometimes you can deal with it and put it out of your head. Other times it gets to the point where you can't focus on anything else and all you care about is getting them to shut up. You're less prone to want to go out in public areas because you don't want people looking at you weird and that it's so much easier to just deal with it at home.
I know I need to figure out what's going wrong. I've already gotten blood work and an MRI done and both put me in excellent health, but if I'm doing so well, why am I doing so bad? I know the next step is to escalate this to a neurologist, which I plan on doing when I get my new insurance set up and running, but I just hope that they can figure out some definitive answer. I'm not hoping for something to be wrong with me, I don't need an excuse or an escape route, I'm just tired of doctors saying that I'm weird and that they are just "ticks" and I'll have to learn to deal with them. That's their nice way of saying, "I don't have a frigging clue with what's wrong with you but thanks for playing and have a nice day!"
I dunno...I just want to be better and not be in pain anymore. :\
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
"Where did it all go wrong?"
~~ Where did it all go wrong - Oasis ~~
you know that feeling you get
you feel your older than time
you ain't exactly sure
if you've been away a while
do you KEEP the reciepts
for the friends that you buy
and ain't it bittersweet
you're only just getting by
but i hope you know
that it wont let go
it sticks around with you until the day you die
and i hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
where did it all go wrong?
and until you've repaid
the dreams you've bought for your lies
you'll be cast away
alone under stormy skies
alone under stormy skies
but i hope you know
That it won't let go
it sticks around with you until the day you die
and i hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
where did it all go wrong?
but i hope you know
that it won't let go
it sticks around with you untill the day you die
and I hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
but i hope you know
that it won't let go
it sticks around with you untill the day you die
and I hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
where did it all go wrong?
____________________________________________________________
Some days I feel...........lost.
Can someone come in and save me? I've been saving others for so long, how do you know when you need to be helped?
When do I get my happiness back?
I thought I put in my dues, but I guess I didn't give enough.
Damn...I think it's sleepy sleepy time. I should feel better in the morning.
I just wish I knew what I was doing...
you know that feeling you get
you feel your older than time
you ain't exactly sure
if you've been away a while
do you KEEP the reciepts
for the friends that you buy
and ain't it bittersweet
you're only just getting by
but i hope you know
that it wont let go
it sticks around with you until the day you die
and i hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
where did it all go wrong?
and until you've repaid
the dreams you've bought for your lies
you'll be cast away
alone under stormy skies
alone under stormy skies
but i hope you know
That it won't let go
it sticks around with you until the day you die
and i hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
where did it all go wrong?
but i hope you know
that it won't let go
it sticks around with you untill the day you die
and I hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
but i hope you know
that it won't let go
it sticks around with you untill the day you die
and I hope you know
that it's touch and go
i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
where did it all go wrong?
____________________________________________________________
Some days I feel...........lost.
Can someone come in and save me? I've been saving others for so long, how do you know when you need to be helped?
When do I get my happiness back?
I thought I put in my dues, but I guess I didn't give enough.
Damn...I think it's sleepy sleepy time. I should feel better in the morning.
I just wish I knew what I was doing...
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Single Awareness Day
I'm so glad that Valentine's Day is over and done with. I have not liked this day for the past 5 years, granted that last year was looking up, but that's all done and over with now.
My first year that I was down here in Southern California, my first Valentine's Day was pretty cool. I sent some cards, some chocolate, and love out to a few people. The next year I didn't feel the same, so didn't send out anything, and I don't think I got anything except cards from my family. As time has gone by I've gotten a little bitter about the 14th of February. It's just another day for the stores to reap in some cash during a slow month. I mean if you truly love the person you're with then the so called "Valentine's Day" happens multiple times of the year with no reason or rhyme.
You just go out and DO IT.
You come home with some surprise flowers, buy her a bear, jewelery, dinner, whatever. When she asks why, you say "Because I love you!" That's it, you don't need one day to lump all of your life's savings into and hope you make it through the rest of the year. That's just stupid.
Valentine's Day brings so many good memories of when I was younger. Giving out candy hearts to your friends, making cards to give to girls, eating candy, and acting silly. After I left home, it's been pretty devoid to me and several other friends of mine. It's such a stupid topic, people are either really happy about it and are looking forward to it, or others are dreading it, wondering who they can hook up with so that they at least won't be alone and will have a "Valentine."
I guess if I was a player, then Guillermo's advice would work well. Think about it...girls probably don't want to be alone on Valentine's day as much if not more then guys. So, wash up, put on some nice clothes, spray on some cologne, and say hello ladies!
Meh...whatever. Not me. Getting nice to look nice, sure, getting nice to play the field...bah. I've never been good at it, and even if I was my personality wouldn't allow it. I'm too nice to be a jack-ass.
Any who, I hope those of you that did have someone had a good day. For the rest of us, remember this...
Valentine's chocolate goes on sale! Woot woot! :P
My first year that I was down here in Southern California, my first Valentine's Day was pretty cool. I sent some cards, some chocolate, and love out to a few people. The next year I didn't feel the same, so didn't send out anything, and I don't think I got anything except cards from my family. As time has gone by I've gotten a little bitter about the 14th of February. It's just another day for the stores to reap in some cash during a slow month. I mean if you truly love the person you're with then the so called "Valentine's Day" happens multiple times of the year with no reason or rhyme.
You just go out and DO IT.
You come home with some surprise flowers, buy her a bear, jewelery, dinner, whatever. When she asks why, you say "Because I love you!" That's it, you don't need one day to lump all of your life's savings into and hope you make it through the rest of the year. That's just stupid.
Valentine's Day brings so many good memories of when I was younger. Giving out candy hearts to your friends, making cards to give to girls, eating candy, and acting silly. After I left home, it's been pretty devoid to me and several other friends of mine. It's such a stupid topic, people are either really happy about it and are looking forward to it, or others are dreading it, wondering who they can hook up with so that they at least won't be alone and will have a "Valentine."
I guess if I was a player, then Guillermo's advice would work well. Think about it...girls probably don't want to be alone on Valentine's day as much if not more then guys. So, wash up, put on some nice clothes, spray on some cologne, and say hello ladies!
Meh...whatever. Not me. Getting nice to look nice, sure, getting nice to play the field...bah. I've never been good at it, and even if I was my personality wouldn't allow it. I'm too nice to be a jack-ass.
Any who, I hope those of you that did have someone had a good day. For the rest of us, remember this...
Valentine's chocolate goes on sale! Woot woot! :P
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Thoughts about life...
Some mornings you wake up feeling up.
Some mornings you wake up feeling down.
And some mornings you can't distinguish between the two.
Things that happen in life are quite interesting to watch unfold. You're writing your own story while others are writing theirs and sometimes both of your books match up, and then move on. I've been raving quite a bit recently, and have been having a blast at every event that I've been to. The only time that I didn't have a full loaded night of fun was last night when we went to Lyrics for a Victoria's Secret Valentine's Rave. I wish I had done more research, and I wish that my friend knew that she wasn't going to get to dance during one of her DJ friend's sets because I probably would have chosen to not go. The night did have some fun times, I mean we got to chat with Royal a bit, and I got to say hello to Andrey again. Last time I saw him was at Nocturnal Wonderland 2005, my first rave.
Maybe it's the scene that's got me wiggin a little. Maybe it's the rave, Event Horizon 2006, I'm going to tonight. Maybe it's because Grant's here and he doesn't like raves at all and I put him through hell last night, I dunno. There are so many possible reasons, but trying to pinpoint which it is really doesn't do anything but burn time, and that's not something I have a lot of these days.
I dunno, maybe I want to be able to hang out with certain people from the scene outside of the rave so that it feels like we're real friends that I can call to say hello, talk to, and hang out with, rather then feeling like I only know them at the rave. I guess that's partly my fault since I'm 25 and most of them aren't near that age. Maybe I have more time under my belt and want more then a quick weekend pick-me-up. Maybe I'm scared, and I think this is true whether the previous statement is true or not. Anyone that I hang out with that is under 18 I put myself in jeopardy. My friend found this out the hard way when the law stated that 18 is 18 and it doesn't matter if she turns 18 in a week, 17 isn't 18.
I'm not much for taking non-calculable risks, and the one thing if nothing else that I learned back in High School is that girls are completely 100% incalculable. They are definitely unique, and that's probably what strikes the most fear into me. I've always been able to figure most things out, but never once have I figured out girls.
Oh well, guess that's the fun puzzles of life.
Some mornings you wake up feeling down.
And some mornings you can't distinguish between the two.
Things that happen in life are quite interesting to watch unfold. You're writing your own story while others are writing theirs and sometimes both of your books match up, and then move on. I've been raving quite a bit recently, and have been having a blast at every event that I've been to. The only time that I didn't have a full loaded night of fun was last night when we went to Lyrics for a Victoria's Secret Valentine's Rave. I wish I had done more research, and I wish that my friend knew that she wasn't going to get to dance during one of her DJ friend's sets because I probably would have chosen to not go. The night did have some fun times, I mean we got to chat with Royal a bit, and I got to say hello to Andrey again. Last time I saw him was at Nocturnal Wonderland 2005, my first rave.
Maybe it's the scene that's got me wiggin a little. Maybe it's the rave, Event Horizon 2006, I'm going to tonight. Maybe it's because Grant's here and he doesn't like raves at all and I put him through hell last night, I dunno. There are so many possible reasons, but trying to pinpoint which it is really doesn't do anything but burn time, and that's not something I have a lot of these days.
I dunno, maybe I want to be able to hang out with certain people from the scene outside of the rave so that it feels like we're real friends that I can call to say hello, talk to, and hang out with, rather then feeling like I only know them at the rave. I guess that's partly my fault since I'm 25 and most of them aren't near that age. Maybe I have more time under my belt and want more then a quick weekend pick-me-up. Maybe I'm scared, and I think this is true whether the previous statement is true or not. Anyone that I hang out with that is under 18 I put myself in jeopardy. My friend found this out the hard way when the law stated that 18 is 18 and it doesn't matter if she turns 18 in a week, 17 isn't 18.
I'm not much for taking non-calculable risks, and the one thing if nothing else that I learned back in High School is that girls are completely 100% incalculable. They are definitely unique, and that's probably what strikes the most fear into me. I've always been able to figure most things out, but never once have I figured out girls.
Oh well, guess that's the fun puzzles of life.
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